I have no blog at this time http://vorg.ca/~NickVegas All items Copyright 2001-2004 by their respective authors en-us https://vorg.ca/1110-Ive-got-bad-news-and-good-news-The-execution-skit
A drab gray room has several men in fatigues, with large
knives, standing behind American TV personality Mark Hopkins, of the Mark Hopkins Show, who wears a jumpsuit and is blind folded. He bobs his head as if he hears a song
in his head.

A man with a large sword approaches him after he adjusts a video camera, catching the whole scene.

Executioner:

What are you doing Hopkins? There is no music in here!

Hopkins:

I can't get this song out of my head: "Hey Mr. Taliban, Taliban banana, Bagdad hot and I wanna go home."

Executioner:

“Hopkins, you are an infidel! An infidel, an infidel!
By the way, how was your breakfast?

Hopkins:

Not bad, thanks, but a bit spicy, so don't be offended if I'm a bit gassy. (farts)

Executioner:

Infidel! Infidel! Infidel (coughs)
(waves hand in front of his face)
Jeez, who's killing who here!
Where was I?...
I have bad news and I have good news for you.

Hopkins:

“What’s the bad news?”

Executioner:

“Your head comes off on Monday”

Hopkins:

“Damn, I hate Mondays, I never have anything good happens on a Monday”


Executioner:
(crosses arms smugly)

“So, ready to plead for your pathetic life?”

Hopkins

“I’m not really the pleading type, besides, I’ve been
Pretty depressed lately.”

Executioner:

“OH, come now, plead just a little bit?”

Hopkins:

“No, not my style. Just get it over with,
With Seinfeld cancelled and only reality tv,
You might as well cut my head off.”

Executioner:

“Trust me, you’re no Seinfeld...you have too many puns
and your humor borders on the tasteless...
Oh come now, plead a little, we’re wasting tape!”

Hopkins:

“Hey...I thought you said you had good news?”

Executioner:

“Oh, I’m saving a ton of money on my car insurance.”

Hopkins:
(pulls off his blindfold)
“Can I have their number?”

Executioner:

‘Sure, my friend, I give you the number Tuesday.”

Hopkins:

“Cool,....hey...wait a minute...Tuesday?

Both start laughing with their heads titled back, give each other a high-five
And freeze frame.
]]> https://vorg.ca/1110-Ive-got-bad-news-and-good-news-The-execution-skit NickVegas Skit 2004-10-28T13:35:31+00:00 https://vorg.ca/1110-Ive-got-bad-news-and-good-news-The-execution-skit#replies https://vorg.ca/114-Jesus-Miracle-Waters FADE IN:

The Reverend MARK HOPKINS, tight shot,
behind him, a ceramic decanter like the kind
Arrowhead water provides, but with a mural of
Christ walking on water painted on it.

REV HOPKINS-"Hi there, the Reverend mark Hopkins here with a tip..

(he nods to the ceramic decanter behind him.)

REV HOPKINS-"If you'd like to have holy water at home, it's now available...thank to Jesus Miracle Waters. It's a little like arrowhead, a little like
sparkletts: But...every gallon container has been
individually blessed by the Pope!

(he turns on the spigot and fills a glass of cool, clear water)

REV HOPKINS-"Mmm, now I don't just get my 8 glasses of water a day, I get 8 glasses of HOLY Water per day, thanks to Jesus Miracle waters.

(he takes a sip, then several more.)

REV HOPKINS-"God Bless!"

Fade OUT]]> https://vorg.ca/114-Jesus-Miracle-Waters NickVegas Skit 2003-04-10T20:40:53+00:00 https://vorg.ca/114-Jesus-Miracle-Waters#replies