MissNikki blog @ Vorg http://vorg.ca/~MissNikki All items Copyright 2001-2004 by their respective authors en-us http://vorg.ca/2381-Seder-Quips http://vorg.ca/2381-Seder-Quips MissNikki Joey Fatone 2007-04-03T11:29:26-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2381-Seder-Quips#replies http://vorg.ca/2248-Fun-with-Gifts
Did you get anything cool this holiday season?]]> http://vorg.ca/2248-Fun-with-Gifts MissNikki Gifting 2006-12-22T23:12:30-05:00 http://vorg.ca/2248-Fun-with-Gifts#replies http://vorg.ca/2151-Why-Me?-Sigh. http://vorg.ca/2151-Why-Me?-Sigh. MissNikki Nuclear War 2006-10-16T18:00:02-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2151-Why-Me?-Sigh.#replies http://vorg.ca/2134-Halloween http://vorg.ca/2134-Halloween MissNikki Halloween 2006-10-03T22:25:56-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2134-Halloween#replies http://vorg.ca/1985-Slice-of-Boredom http://vorg.ca/1985-Slice-of-Boredom MissNikki Weblog 2006-05-24T18:53:30-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1985-Slice-of-Boredom#replies http://vorg.ca/1816-To-Summit-Up
Good luck everyone!
]]> http://vorg.ca/1816-To-Summit-Up MissNikki improv 2006-02-01T19:15:30-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1816-To-Summit-Up#replies http://vorg.ca/1697-Dustin
Thank you, Dustin. Thank you.]]> http://vorg.ca/1697-Dustin MissNikki Weblog 2005-11-04T16:25:37-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1697-Dustin#replies http://vorg.ca/1611-Wave
]]> http://vorg.ca/1611-Wave MissNikki Weblog 2005-08-14T14:41:54-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1611-Wave#replies http://vorg.ca/1591-Canadian-Living
]]> http://vorg.ca/1591-Canadian-Living MissNikki Weblog 2005-08-01T23:33:09-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1591-Canadian-Living#replies http://vorg.ca/1336-Stolen-from-other-blogs-cause-its-fun---please-add-yours
1. Attended the Milli Vanilli concert and bought a poster.
2. Accidentally flushed my mother's engagement ring down the toilet.
3. Read "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" while on a cruise ship.
4. Gotten lockjaw while kissing a boy.
5. Severed the skin at the bottom of my nose with a trailor hitch.
6. Won a taxation award and a drama award in the same night.
7. Tap-danced with fruit on my head while people called me "Edna".
8. Drank a Sex on the Beach while witnessing sex on the beach.
9. Been shot with a pellet gun in the middle of the Terry Fox run.
10. French-kissed a dolphin.]]> http://vorg.ca/1336-Stolen-from-other-blogs-cause-its-fun---please-add-yours MissNikki Weblog 2005-03-08T21:08:40-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1336-Stolen-from-other-blogs-cause-its-fun---please-add-yours#replies http://vorg.ca/1334-While-You-Werent-Watching having a good time. (Scroll down to the bottom and blow up the picture on the left - it amuses me)]]> http://vorg.ca/1334-While-You-Werent-Watching MissNikki Weblog 2005-03-07T20:05:01-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1334-While-You-Werent-Watching#replies http://vorg.ca/1333-Alive-in-Canada
Oh, there it is.

]]> http://vorg.ca/1333-Alive-in-Canada MissNikki Weblog 2005-03-07T19:25:35-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1333-Alive-in-Canada#replies http://vorg.ca/1310-Title here and find out when it was the most popular.]]> http://vorg.ca/1310-Title MissNikki Weblog 2005-02-21T19:12:22-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1310-Title#replies http://vorg.ca/1304-weirdoid
]]> http://vorg.ca/1304-weirdoid MissNikki Weblog 2005-02-17T23:51:57-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1304-weirdoid#replies http://vorg.ca/1303-Living-in-Canada
So, dear friends, I present to you February's tips on how to be one heck of a Canadian (living) woman:

-You should save leftovers of your family's favourite supper soups, casseroles or chili.

-When making chocolate raspberry curl cake, be sure to hold your teaspoon at a 90 degree angle.

-If you promise to make pizza soup for dinner, your kids will daydream about it in math class.

-Small floral patterns will actually make a small room look larger!

-Late winter is the best time to prune fruit trees. Touch your nipple.

-Oops, sorry, how'd that Cosmo tip sneak in there?

-Sometimes your morning routine can inlcude a load of laundry and you can just finish up your make-up in the car.

Geez, there's so much to do as a woman! Why there's barely time to fluff my hair like Salma Hayek or wear a big, shiny belt with nothing else on. Guess I won't do those things tonight and just turn in to bed. I've got a headache anyway because Timmy's failing algebra on account of that damn pizza soup. Turn out the light, would you?]]> http://vorg.ca/1303-Living-in-Canada MissNikki Weblog 2005-02-17T23:32:10-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1303-Living-in-Canada#replies http://vorg.ca/1261-Oy The Great Dying of all things.

Sleep well, kittens.]]> http://vorg.ca/1261-Oy MissNikki Weblog 2005-01-22T03:42:10-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1261-Oy#replies http://vorg.ca/1227-What-to-do-Christmas-Eve? track Santa's trip?]]> http://vorg.ca/1227-What-to-do-Christmas-Eve? MissNikki Weblog 2004-12-24T18:05:09-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1227-What-to-do-Christmas-Eve?#replies http://vorg.ca/1066-Kibbles-n-Bits confused man in Bucharest. Ouchie!]]> http://vorg.ca/1066-Kibbles-n-Bits MissNikki Weblog 2004-10-04T23:08:55-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1066-Kibbles-n-Bits#replies http://vorg.ca/1061-Because-Being-Lonely-is-Funny Japanese Man Pillow and no doubt made some comment about how I couldn't at all relate.]]> http://vorg.ca/1061-Because-Being-Lonely-is-Funny MissNikki Weblog 2004-09-30T20:51:48-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1061-Because-Being-Lonely-is-Funny#replies http://vorg.ca/1060-Gracias
Many thanks to Mariana for allowing me to be the very proud owner of a:

Spanish Dancer Woman costume

Friends, I'm in Heaven on earth. I'm counting on 2 or 3 Halloween parties, people. Get crackin'!]]> http://vorg.ca/1060-Gracias MissNikki Weblog 2004-09-30T20:44:41-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1060-Gracias#replies http://vorg.ca/1017-Shower-Me
I may have heard an anti-semetic comment from across the crowded kitchen. But four people told me I was pretty so it sort of evens out.

We ate cold cuts and meat pies.

Two women wrapped toilet paper around my body as part of a contest.

I won a can opener.

Fin.

]]> http://vorg.ca/1017-Shower-Me MissNikki Weblog 2004-09-13T23:33:35-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1017-Shower-Me#replies http://vorg.ca/973-Mo-Cosmo
This one is for you, Bryan, because I know that you have been wondering HOW TO FEEL SEXY NAKED. I have included my personal notes for your benefit.

Warning: Doing the following will bring on a "foxy rush":

1-Seductively eat a Maraschino cherry.
2-Moisturize your breasts very, very slooowly.
3-Put a dab of perfume on your navel.
4-Have champagne with dessert.
5-Attend a loud concert and feel the base vibrating through your bod.
6-Know that the fastest route to feeling sexy is heading south...on yourself.
7-If you're ugly, just think of yourself as "uniquely sexy".

Notes:
1-Weight gain: 3 pounds.
2-Late for work. Subsequently fired.
3-2:15 p.m.: Real short guy from the copy place makes eyes at me...2:17 p.m.: licked uncomfortably by St. Bernard.
4-1:46 a.m.: made out with strawberry shortcake.
The next day: not even a phone call.
5-Hearing loss: significant. Ended up having to wear a puffy shirt on TV.
6-Got a call from a Mister Charlie Horse.
7-N/A

p.s. rubbing perfume ads all over your legs instantly makes you feel better about yourself.

More tips to quench your Cosmo thirst:

-Use coconut shampoo.
-Don't conceal your headlights.
-Let your bra strap slip.
-Touch your collarbone.
-Show your panty lines but also wear a thong (preferably a tie-on-the-side thong) so that you don't show your panty lines but only if it is comfortable...unless you are uncomfortable but actually look comfortable and you are comfortable with wearing boy panties because if you feel uncomfortable with looking comfortable, you can't possibly be a woman. Man, my legs smell good!

In conclusion, men like getting head and your make-up is all wrong.
]]> http://vorg.ca/973-Mo-Cosmo MissNikki Weblog 2004-08-23T15:09:52-04:00 http://vorg.ca/973-Mo-Cosmo#replies http://vorg.ca/968-Tennis-West-of-the-Mount
The whole experience was akin to Alice's Japanese Girls adventure for me. Except without Japanese Girls.]]> http://vorg.ca/968-Tennis-West-of-the-Mount MissNikki Weblog 2004-08-19T18:39:23-04:00 http://vorg.ca/968-Tennis-West-of-the-Mount#replies http://vorg.ca/784-Oh-My

Foo Fighters - Darling Nikki Lyrics


I knew a girl named Nikki
I guess you could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby
Masturbating with a magazine
She said how'd you like to waste some time
And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind

She took me to her castle
And I just couldn't believe my eyes
She had so many devices
Everything that money could buy
She said sign your name on the dotted line
The lights went out
And Nikki started to grind

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! NIKKI!!!!!!! oh...

The castle started spinning
Or maybe it was my brain
I can't tell you what she did to me
But my body will never be the same
Her lovin' will kick your behind
Oh, she'll show you no mercy
But she'll sho'nuff sho'nuff show you how to grind

Woke up the next morning
Nikki wasn't there
I looked all over and all I found
Was a phone number on the stairs
It said thank you for a funky time
Call me up whenever you want to grind


]]> http://vorg.ca/784-Oh-My MissNikki Weblog 2004-04-21T23:35:39-04:00 http://vorg.ca/784-Oh-My#replies http://vorg.ca/765-Excuse-to-Post
Keeping you informed on celebrity health issues,
NS]]> http://vorg.ca/765-Excuse-to-Post MissNikki Weblog 2004-04-13T22:12:43-04:00 http://vorg.ca/765-Excuse-to-Post#replies http://vorg.ca/638-Sunken-Chins physical attraction test indicates that I want the following:

So-called "Mesomorph" faces obviously appealed to you. These faces can be shaped like a square or a rectangle, but are most noticeable because of their strong square jawline. The chins are clearly prominent from the front and side, and have crisp angles defining the sides of the chin. No sunken chins for you! This is by far the most masculine face type. Often, you'll also find strong, manly noses and beefy lips with this face pattern as well. About 79% of other women especially prefer men with this face type.


Manly nose? Well, I guess now at least I have some direction. Too bad I have many, many personality disorders...]]> http://vorg.ca/638-Sunken-Chins MissNikki Weblog 2004-02-16T00:06:54-05:00 http://vorg.ca/638-Sunken-Chins#replies http://vorg.ca/620-Funny-Love
presents

VALENTINE'S DATE, an improv dating game...with real, live people finding love through comedy!

Come restore your faith in Cupid on either Thursday, February 12th at 9:00 at the Old Dublin or on Friday, February 13th at 10:30 at the Comedy Nest.

I'm blowing kisses at you and you're not even catching them, silly!]]> http://vorg.ca/620-Funny-Love MissNikki Weblog 2004-02-09T01:03:29-05:00 http://vorg.ca/620-Funny-Love#replies http://vorg.ca/619-Eyes-like-a-Bird-with-Good-Vision
I'm 3% sure that he turned to me and said "wow, you're even more beautiful than Uma!".

I'm -18% sure that he covered me in marmalade and licked it off in a room at the Ritz.]]> http://vorg.ca/619-Eyes-like-a-Bird-with-Good-Vision MissNikki Weblog 2004-02-09T00:58:38-05:00 http://vorg.ca/619-Eyes-like-a-Bird-with-Good-Vision#replies http://vorg.ca/587-Battle-Of-Wits http://vorg.ca/587-Battle-Of-Wits MissNikki battle of wits 2004-01-27T23:03:43-05:00 http://vorg.ca/587-Battle-Of-Wits#replies http://vorg.ca/578- http://vorg.ca/578- MissNikki Weblog 2004-01-25T12:35:06-05:00 http://vorg.ca/578-#replies