Vorg wits RSS feed wits tag at the Vorg blog http://vorg.ca/tag/wits All items Copyright 2001-2004 by their respective authors en-us Battle of Wits: Rich White Dudes http://vorg.ca/3397-Battle-of-Wits-Rich-White-Dudes This is hilarious.

We are hilarious.

Therefore, I feel like we can download the template and come up with some pretty hilarious stuff. (Examples, as usual, after the jump.)

Additionally, I declare STRETCH the winner of the previous battle of wits. Stretch wins a cushy government job in Ottawa.



]]> http://vorg.ca/3397-Battle-of-Wits-Rich-White-Dudes goodladd battle wits jobs gates 2010-06-28T23:24:43-04:00 http://vorg.ca/3397-Battle-of-Wits-Rich-White-Dudes#replies Battle of Wits: Marc D. Rowland http://vorg.ca/3202-Battle-of-Wits-Marc-D.-Rowland
Examples after the jump.

Additionally, I declare Dye! the winner of the previous battle of wits, mostly because his entry is the only one that still loads with any swiftness. Dye! wins a pun of his choosing.


Examples:

He can summon the power to transform himself into a more vigorous form — Marc D. Rowland, the Ever-Living — by reciting the famous incantation: “Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form to Marc D. Rowland, the Ever-Living!” While in this form, Marc D. Rowland possesses superhuman strength, the ability to fly, as well as fortification of his mystical might — casting spells, throwing energy bolts, etc. — to battle his foes. . . .

Seemingly invincible in whatever form he chooses, Marc D. Rowland appears to have a singular weakness: seeing his own hideous reflection neutralizes his ability to remain outside the Black Pyramid and forces him to withdraw there in his emaciated mummy form.

Marc D. Rowland is characterized by his incredible strength. In the intro sequence of the 1980s cartoon series he claims to be "The Most Powerful Man in the Universe". . . . In his first DC comics appearance he was able to trade punches with Superman. . . . Typical of most adaptations is that Marc D. Rowland is often shown successfully attempting feats deemed impossible by other characters. Episodes of the original cartoon also depict him as being able to swim at a far faster rate than is humanly possible.

]]> http://vorg.ca/3202-Battle-of-Wits-Marc-D.-Rowland goodladd battle wits rowland cartoons 2009-09-26T11:42:03-04:00 http://vorg.ca/3202-Battle-of-Wits-Marc-D.-Rowland#replies Bloggy Battle of Wits http://vorg.ca/3086-Bloggy-Battle-of-Wits Montreal Improv blog. Your challenge is to come up with some decent names for us to choose from.

Now if it weren't illegal for us as a registered Quebec business to give away a prize without a lot of hassle, I totally would. So all you can legally get is our gratitude.

I leave it to goodladd to declare winners for the previous two battles.]]> http://vorg.ca/3086-Bloggy-Battle-of-Wits vinny9 montreal improv battleofwits 2009-03-13T17:02:23-04:00 http://vorg.ca/3086-Bloggy-Battle-of-Wits#replies Return Of The Son Of Battle Of Wits' Revenge http://vorg.ca/3069-Return-Of-The-Son-Of-Battle-Of-Wits-Revenge Tube Dubber allows you to take any YouTube video and overlay it with a new soundtrack. Your challenge: harness the power of this tool to achieve optimum hilarity.

For example:
•I Like Big Bytes
•America?]]> http://vorg.ca/3069-Return-Of-The-Son-Of-Battle-Of-Wits-Revenge goodladd battle wits 2009-02-21T12:11:38-05:00 http://vorg.ca/3069-Return-Of-The-Son-Of-Battle-Of-Wits-Revenge#replies Things Are Not Always As They A Pear http://vorg.ca/2609-Things-Are-Not-Always-As-They-A-Pear


It appears to me that he is on his knees begging for his life from a particularly savage pomegranate. Any other interpretations?

(This really wasn't staged; I actually stepped out of the car at the airport and witnessed this, with not a person in sight to explain why there might be fruit sitting on a bench.)

(I reluctantly declare Ken the winner of the previous Battle of Wits, even though his entry was clearly a reggae reference rather than a funk reference. However, his was the only entry and, in any case, he's from Alberta -- so I don't think we can hold his lack of knowledge of black culture against him.)]]> http://vorg.ca/2609-Things-Are-Not-Always-As-They-A-Pear goodladd chrisdye demaisonneuve battle of wits 2007-11-27T16:39:37-05:00 http://vorg.ca/2609-Things-Are-Not-Always-As-They-A-Pear#replies Battle of Wits: Dysfunktional http://vorg.ca/2408-Battle-of-Wits-Dysfunktional
"A weblog about comedy, technology, Canada and funk!"

But when was the last time we actually discussed funk? In order to comply with advertising standards, please address a normal Sillytech topic or member in a way that incorporates the concept of funk.

Entries may be based on wordplay (eg. "How many seats will the Liberals win in Parliament?"; eg. "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag of Dicks"), Photoshopping (see example below), or any other medium that you see fit.



I declare Budman and Gil joint winners of the previous Battle of Wits. They each win a circumcision for religious reasons.]]> http://vorg.ca/2408-Battle-of-Wits-Dysfunktional goodladd battle of wits 2007-04-29T16:25:20-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2408-Battle-of-Wits-Dysfunktional#replies Grizzly battle of wits http://vorg.ca/2400-Grizzly-battle-of-wits

Which of these planes crashed moments after this picture was taken? (Let's pretend the pilot was ok.)]]> http://vorg.ca/2400-Grizzly-battle-of-wits Bryan battle of wits air show 2007-04-21T20:27:12-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2400-Grizzly-battle-of-wits#replies Battle of Wits http://vorg.ca/2382-Battle-of-Wits
Mystery Sign

eg. Parkinsonians convention this way.

I declare Alex the winner of the previous battle of wits. He wins a large beard.]]> http://vorg.ca/2382-Battle-of-Wits goodladd battle wits 2007-04-03T19:18:10-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2382-Battle-of-Wits#replies Captions, Etc. http://vorg.ca/2348-Captions-Etc.

eg. As his weeks-long battle with constipation finally and unexpectedly resolves itself, Bill Gates reaches for the nearest approximation of toilet paper.

eg. With the anti-trust hearings going poorly, Bill frantically tries ctrl-alt-deleting himself.]]> http://vorg.ca/2348-Captions-Etc. goodladd caption competition battle wits 2007-03-12T04:14:21-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2348-Captions-Etc.#replies Battle of Wits: Asian Edition, Volume 2 http://vorg.ca/2235-Battle-of-Wits-Asian-Edition-Volume-2

The Sumo wrestler seems quite lost in a world of his own imaginings. Tell me, oh Internets, what is he thinking about? Best answer gets a prize, short stories preferred.

More flickr here.

]]> http://vorg.ca/2235-Battle-of-Wits-Asian-Edition-Volume-2 alice battle of wits 2006-12-08T12:27:15-05:00 http://vorg.ca/2235-Battle-of-Wits-Asian-Edition-Volume-2#replies Bust a Caption http://vorg.ca/2201-Bust-a-Caption

eg. The President insisted he hadn't received the memo about the theme at this year's RNC.
eg. "The emperor has no pants!"
etc.]]> http://vorg.ca/2201-Bust-a-Caption goodladd battle of wits 2006-11-16T17:45:16-05:00 http://vorg.ca/2201-Bust-a-Caption#replies The real definition of GVRD http://vorg.ca/2196-The-real-definition-of-GVRD GVRD stood for the Greater Vancouver Regional District, our mega-city equivalent. The only problem with this is that it's boring.

So here's a Battle of Wits: what does GVRD really stand for?

The winner is welcome to sleep in my GVRD living room (until I kick them out).

example answers:
Giant Virtual Reality Device
Greater Valley for the Recently Deceased
Geriatric Vicious Rock Dentures
Galactic Vole Road Divider
Gooey Vaginal Runway Depression]]> http://vorg.ca/2196-The-real-definition-of-GVRD dustin vancouver battle of wits 2006-11-14T08:00:00-05:00 http://vorg.ca/2196-The-real-definition-of-GVRD#replies Battle of Wits: Asian Edition http://vorg.ca/2169-Battle-of-Wits-Asian-Edition

What the hell is this? Please be creative. ]]> http://vorg.ca/2169-Battle-of-Wits-Asian-Edition alice Battle of Wits 2006-11-01T12:56:37-05:00 http://vorg.ca/2169-Battle-of-Wits-Asian-Edition#replies Mejicano Style http://vorg.ca/2150-Mejicano-Style Battle of Wits: Why am I dressed up as a Mexican?

]]> http://vorg.ca/2150-Mejicano-Style dustin mexican battle of wits 2006-10-16T05:57:48-04:00 http://vorg.ca/2150-Mejicano-Style#replies Plunder that booty http://vorg.ca/1863-Plunder-that-booty
The captain always proposes a distribution of the loot. All buccaneers vote on the proposal, and if half the crew or more go "Aye", the loot is divided as proposed, as no buccaneer would be willing to take on the captain without superior force on their side.

If the captain fails to obtain support of at least half his crew (which includes himself), he faces a mutiny, and all buccaneers will turn against him and make him walk the plank. The buccaneers start over again with the next senior buccaneer as captain.

What is the maximum number of doubloons the captain can keep without risking his life?]]> http://vorg.ca/1863-Plunder-that-booty Bryan battle of wits 2006-03-01T16:25:36-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1863-Plunder-that-booty#replies Inside Einstein http://vorg.ca/1858-Inside-Einstein

Battle of wits: Write your own text with the Einstein form.]]> http://vorg.ca/1858-Inside-Einstein dustin battle of wits 2006-02-25T20:20:30-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1858-Inside-Einstein#replies The Washington Post Battle of Wits http://vorg.ca/1793-The-Washington-Post-Battle-of-Wits
"The Washington Post 's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:"

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

(more after the break)


5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.]]> http://vorg.ca/1793-The-Washington-Post-Battle-of-Wits Sean battle of wits 2006-01-12T05:07:47-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1793-The-Washington-Post-Battle-of-Wits#replies Battle of Wits 2006 http://vorg.ca/1791-Battle-of-Wits-2006
This week's Battle of Wits:

Write an attack ad.
80 words max.

Example:

Chrisdye's barber Sergio promised a good haircut. But what do the people think?
SECRETARY: "It looks like a haircut for a 4-year-old boy."
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: "Ugh, what happened?"
LAWYER: "I guess your barber has a good sense of humour."
Let Sergio know that this time, the joke's on him. It's time to cut back on Sergio.

Winner receives post-it notes. Results announced January 23.


]]> http://vorg.ca/1791-Battle-of-Wits-2006 chrisdye battle of wits 2006-01-10T17:31:58-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1791-Battle-of-Wits-2006#replies Christmas Hinky Pinky II http://vorg.ca/1775-Christmas-Hinky-Pinky-II http://vorg.ca/1775-Christmas-Hinky-Pinky-II chrisdye battle of wits 2005-12-23T15:03:06-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1775-Christmas-Hinky-Pinky-II#replies Christmas Hinky Pinky http://vorg.ca/1774-Christmas-Hinky-Pinky
Hinkity pinkity: strategize and carry out an air raid on Hitler's Christmas tree.]]> http://vorg.ca/1774-Christmas-Hinky-Pinky chrisdye battle of wits 2005-12-23T08:10:44-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1774-Christmas-Hinky-Pinky#replies Battle of Wits #9...#9....#9.... http://vorg.ca/1675-Battle-of-Wits-9...9....9....
View photo here

"Let it all hang out" (extended version)
by MARY AND the ALIENNE

Mirzipan therefore wins an Eau Bénite.

The answer for Hinkipity Pinkipity: cell component camera-induced muscle reaction was "protoplasm photo-spasm." Drevniok came closest with "hyaloplasm photospasm". Honourable mention goes to Goodladd's "ribosomic Kodakrome tic". However, there was no prize as this was not an official Battle of Wits.

This week's battle:


Said the Gramophone featured a song this week called "Thirty Days", in which is sung the immortal line: "She gonna send out a world-wide hoodoo." Explain what a world-wide hoodoo is and how one goes about sending it.

The winner receives a 90-gram Vachon lemon pie.

You have until All-Saint's Day.





]]> http://vorg.ca/1675-Battle-of-Wits-9...9....9.... chrisdye battle of wits 2005-10-16T22:41:57-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1675-Battle-of-Wits-9...9....9....#replies Hinky Pinky http://vorg.ca/1594-Hinky-Pinky
]]> http://vorg.ca/1594-Hinky-Pinky chrisdye battle of wits 2005-08-02T23:19:40-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1594-Hinky-Pinky#replies Battle of Wits #8 http://vorg.ca/1563-Battle-of-Wits--8 William Frantz for winning the last Battle of Wits, for coming up with a line of movie dialogue that was thankfully dropped from the final cut:

"Luke, I'm your father and I built C3PO so he's your half-brother." -- Darth Vader to Luke Skywalker in Empire Strikes Back

Unfortunately, I have no idea who you are, Billy, so if you want your prize, you better e-mail me or something.

On to this week's Battle:

This is clearly an album cover of an alternative rock band. Name the band and the title of this album.

View photo here

Winner receives an Eau Bénite.

You have until August.
]]> http://vorg.ca/1563-Battle-of-Wits--8 chrisdye battle of wits 2005-07-15T22:18:27-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1563-Battle-of-Wits--8#replies Battle of Wits Restated http://vorg.ca/1424-Battle-of-Wits-Restated
Oh, I thought Plantar Fasciitis was when your geranium started goosestepping around the livingroom.

Bryan therefore wins an authentic Hungarian figurine.

This week's battle:


Invent a cheesy line of dialogue that thankfully was dropped from a movie. Name the movie, the scene, and the line.

Poor Examples:

[Spartacus, Virinia looking up at the crucified Spartacus] "I hope you're not cross with me."

[Saving Private Ryan, the opening scene] "This is no day at the beach."

The winner receives a pencil from a major Montreal law firm.

You have until May Day.]]> http://vorg.ca/1424-Battle-of-Wits-Restated chrisdye battle of wits 2005-04-24T02:29:04-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1424-Battle-of-Wits-Restated#replies I Just Can't Get Enough... http://vorg.ca/1404-I-Just-Cant-Get-Enough...

Example: Condoleezza Rice spots a gunman in the crowd, and dives forward to protect the President, screaming "Noooooo!" as she does so.]]> http://vorg.ca/1404-I-Just-Cant-Get-Enough... goodladd battle of wits 2005-04-08T14:43:42-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1404-I-Just-Cant-Get-Enough...#replies They're <i>Baiting</i> Us! http://vorg.ca/1373-Theyre-iBaiting/i-Us


Example: "I'll give you my aviators if you give me this delightful scarf."]]> http://vorg.ca/1373-Theyre-iBaiting/i-Us goodladd battle of wits 2005-03-27T22:06:47-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1373-Theyre-iBaiting/i-Us#replies Battle of Wits #7 http://vorg.ca/1339-Battle-of-Wits-7
If it ain't on video, there's no way he did it, yo. (Kobe Bryant)

Adrienne therefore wins one or more fortune cookies.

Honourable mention goes to Vinny, whose one about Janet Jackson was disqualified only because she was never charged with anything, and therefore never needed the services of Me Cochrane.

This week's Battle:

Fill in the following sentence: "Oh, I thought [disease name] was [something unrelated to the disease]"

 Example: "Oh, I thought the mumps were those delightful puppets on Sesame Street".
"Oh, I thought Gonhorrea and Chlamidya were King Lear's daughters."

The winner receives a hand-painted Hungarian figurine.

Deadline: March 31, high noon!
]]> http://vorg.ca/1339-Battle-of-Wits-7 chrisdye battle of wits 2005-03-10T20:32:43-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1339-Battle-of-Wits-7#replies Caption Competition http://vorg.ca/1130-Caption-Competition


Example: "Come, my child. Sniff the armpit of freedom."]]> http://vorg.ca/1130-Caption-Competition goodladd battle of wits 2004-11-05T20:28:55-05:00 http://vorg.ca/1130-Caption-Competition#replies Googlebattle http://vorg.ca/1086-Googlebattle From the makers of "Battle of Wits": the Googlebattle!

The person who provides the link to the worst press release by noon (Dutch time) on Wednesday, 20 October will receive a Dutch Treat.]]> http://vorg.ca/1086-Googlebattle chrisdye battle of wits 2004-10-15T11:22:07-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1086-Googlebattle#replies Where art though: Chris Dye http://vorg.ca/1029-Where-art-though-Chris-Dye battle of wits:

What is Chris Dye doing right now?



example: "Chris Dye is currently riding a mountain goat."]]> http://vorg.ca/1029-Where-art-though-Chris-Dye dustin battle of wits 2004-09-18T01:25:12-04:00 http://vorg.ca/1029-Where-art-though-Chris-Dye#replies